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R.D. Ellison Gaming Guru Evil Aliens in the Gaming Area23 April 2001
By R.D. Ellison As anyone who plays casino table games can tell you, one has to expect the unexpected while at the tables, because anything can happen. So, let's say you're playing roulette at the Luxor in Las Vegas, and suddenly, a large gathering of hostile aliens busts in and starts zapping the players with laser beams coming out of their eyes. What do you do? I know this sounds a little over the top, because the odds of winning the Powerball Lotto are much lower, but in keeping with my policy to keep gamesters in tune with every contingency, I have compiled the following list: WHAT TO DO WHEN EVIL ALIENS APPEAR IN THE GAMING AREA:
Please, folks, don't make the mistake that Arnold Smark, of Poughkipsee, IL did the last time that happened. He didn't have any Ajax on hand, so he tried mixing ammonia with Clorox bleach, not realizing that he was creating deadly chlorine gas. I don't think you want to hear the rest of that story. Obviously, if this happens while you're playing online, there is a whole different set of rules. First off, there aren't going to be any other people around to serve as the first victims, thus satiating the aliens' appetite for gore. Chances are, you'll be trapped in your room at home with the alien blocking the egress. If so, your only chance is to try to reason with the sunuvabitch, which may not be easy. Some of the more obscure races of aliens communicate by wiggling their ears, or some other appendage. Try to be sensitive to this. Keep him distracted, then run for your life the first chance you get. Most important, don't yell, and don't get him (or it) mad. If all else fails, kick him in the crotch (if he's got one!). This article is provided by the Frank Scoblete Network. Melissa A. Kaplan is the network's managing editor. If you would like to use this article on your website, please contact Casino City Press, the exclusive web syndication outlet for the Frank Scoblete Network. To contact Frank, please e-mail him at fscobe@optonline.net. Casino Games Are a Microcosm For Life24 November 1999
People seldom think about it, but the uncertainties we face at the gaming tables are a microcosm for the uncertainties of life. In every decision we make, we play the odds, calculating which course will bring the most gain. No question about it: Life is a gamble. Every time we speed up at a yellow light, ... (read more)
Roulette Bag Lady7 October 1999
As I walked past a roulette table in Trump Plaza, I couldn't help but notice the coverage of number 17. The chips were stacked eighteen inches high on that number, and I could tell from the stripes in the stack of chips that all the players at the table had contributed to the pile. Now, this matter of ... (read more)
The Constructive Aspects of Losses12 September 1999
Sometimes, when you lose, you win. Annabella Sciorra, from the movie What Dreams May Come Winning is good. Losing is bad. Enough said, right? Not necessarily. To those who take their gambling seriously, for those who make a living playing table games, losses can be constructive, even therapeutic. ... (read more)
The Sophisticated BikerAll the craps tables in the Frontier casino were filled, except for an opening next to the stickman at the middle table. Without hesitation, I grabbed the spot. The player to my right immediately caught my attention. A big, noisy biker type with tattoos, metal studs on his outfit, and long hair halfway down his back. ... (read more)R.D. Ellison |
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