Some Fun With Gambling

14 December 2012

By Larry Mak

I'll tell you why I quit playing slot machines. I've been playing them for 15 years and wanted to give it up before it became a habit.

• * * * *

"Do you ever play the $5 slots?"
"No, with my bankroll I can only afford to play the lower abomination slots."

• * * * *

A casino credit manager sent the following reminder of an unpaid marker:

"Dear Mr. Jones:
Will you please send the amount of your marker by return mail?"

In reply, Mr. Jones wrote: "The amount of my marker is $3000.
Yours truly...."

• * * * *

I have just one thing to say about those slot machine designers. Anyone who can convince people that losing money is fun really deserves respect.

• * * * *

A Las Vegas showgirl, trying on an expensive bracelet in a casino mall jewelry store, said to the sales clerk, "It's nice, but it's a little less than what he can afford."

• * * * *

A doctor told a lady from one of those legal bordellos in Nevada to take two aspirins twice a day, eat a bland diet, and she would be back in bed in three days.

• * * * *

Moving along a dimly lighted Atlantic City street, a tourist was approached by a stranger who had slipped from the shadows nearby.
"Please, sir," said the stranger, "would you be so kind as to help an unfortunate fellow who is hungry and out of work? All I have in the world is this gun."

• * * * *

A lady passenger on a riverboat casino went up to the captain and said, "Excuse me, captain, but do many people get seasick when the boat's in motion?" "Oh, very few do," said the captain. "Well," said the lady, "this is my first time on a boat. Could you please tell me what to do in case I get sick?" "Oh, I don't need to tell you, lady," said the captain. "You'll do it."

• * * * *

A panhandler outside an Atlantic City goes up to a man coming out and says, "Friend, will you give me 75 cents for a sandwich?"
"Maybe," said the man. "Let me see it first."

• * * * *

Joe: "My wife says that if I don't stop playing poker with the boys
she's going to leave me."
Bill: "Gee, that's too bad."
Joe: "Yeah, I'm going to miss her.

• * * * *

Old Gambler's Saying: The reason people like today's casinos is that they make losing entertaining.