Laugh Away Last Year for the New Year

31 December 2012

By Larry Mak

The bookie slowly counted out the money into the old lady's wrinkled hands. "Lady," he said, " I just don't understand how you managed to pick the winner. It was a real long shot."

"Well," the old lady said." I really don't know myself. I just stuck a pin in the paper and that was it."

"That's all very well, lady," said the bookie,"but how did you manage to pick four winners yesterday afternoon?"

"Oh," replied the old lady. "that was easy. Yesterday I used a fork."

• * * * *

The next time you're in Las Vegas, try the Chinese restaurant in the Paris Las Vegas Casino. It's the only place where you'll find fortune cookies printed in French.

• * * * *

Sign seen on the wall in the men's room of a Las Vegas wedding chapel:

First the engagement ring
Then the wedding ring
Then the suffering.

• * * * *

Pete: "The wife of a gambling friend of mine won't go to Las Vegas with him any more.".

Joe: " Why not? What did he do?"

Pete: "He died."

• * * * *

Elementary school teacher to gambler's son: "Billy, spell the word 'straight.' "

Billy: "S-t-r-a-i-g-h-t."

Teacher: "That's right. Now what does it mean?"

Billy: "Without ginger ale."

• * * * *

Legalized bordellos in Nevada don't look forward to Halloween with kids knocking on the
door and yelling, "Trick or treat! Trick or treat!"

• * * * *

He: "Do you know what they call slots in Atlantic City?:

She: "No, what?"

He: "Slots."

• * * * *

Doctor to compulsive gambler: "The best thing you can do is to stop going to casinos, drinking, gambling, and carousing all night. Get a lot of exercise, stop smoking, and go to bed
early every night. Understand?"

Gambler: "Yes. But what's the second best?"

• * * * *

"It was really nice of you to send your wife up to Lake Tahoe for a rest."

"Yes. And heaven knows I needed it."