Ask the Slot Expert: The Slot Machine Profit Transmogrification

Once again I had time to kill at a casino before my movie started. In my column a few weeks ago, I listed the things I look for in a time-killer slot machine. My goal is to spend the time without losing a lot.

As usual, I wasn't going to follow my own advice. Plan A was to play a Triple Play progressive that was over $20,000 for hitting a royal on each hand.

Now, you may say that the only way to achieve that feat is to get dealt a royal. That's the easiest way, but it is possible to draw to a partial royal and complete it on each hand.

Many years ago, a friend of a friend said to me, "You're never going to believe what just happened."

She showed me a picture on her phone. It showed the screen on a Triple Play machine. The held cards showed that she was dealt four cards to a royal. The replacement card on each hand was the card she needed for the royal. She got three royals after being dealt a 4-card royal.

What are the odds of that? (Sound of hitting keys and printing on mechanical calculator.) Uh, unlikely. (0.00000963177 is the probability.)

One of my college friends had a shortcut for figuring out the odds of anything happening. The answer is 50/50, he said. Either it happens or it doesn't.

My killing-time-slot should have a low bet, ideally half a buck or less because my time-killing stake is only $100. I was going to bet $3.75 per play on these Triple Play quarter machines. I justified exceeding my desired bet because the hit frequency tends to be high on video poker, especially multi-hand video poker.

Someone had hit the big progressive since the last time I was in the casino and it was now less than $10,000. Still a good amount, but I wanted a shot at more if I was going to go against my kill-time-machine parameters.

I walked past the Triple Play progressive bank to search the slot floor for a machine that would fit the bill. Oh, there's Mo' Mo' Mo' Mummy. I haven't played it in a while. It doesn't fit the high hit frequency criterion for my kill-time-machine, but I do like playing it.

I sat down at the machine that had the highest values for the Maxi progressive. (You never know.) I touched the penny denomination and looked for the minimum bet on the button deck, expecting to see 40 cents there. Nope. The minimum was 80 cents.

I hoped to leave my time-kill machine with most of my $100 stake. This high a bet meant that I could fund only a bit more than 100 spins and this Mummy doesn't hit very often.

Mummy has some good hits available in the base game, but most of your spins return nothing. The real money is made in the bonus and if you don't get you share of bonuses.... Well, your money doesn't last long. My unscientific observation is that bonus rounds tend to hit more often than once per hundred spins, so I should get a bonus.

I said to myself, "Self, I said. To hell with your rules about what a slot machine good for killing time should be. Let's bury this mummy."

Mo³ Mummy lived up to its reputation. I was down about $50 and hadn't hit anything good on the base game. Worse, I also hadn't hit a bonus yet. I may have to decide whether to put more money in the machine if I go broke and still can't enter the theater yet. Maybe I should have played video poker anyway.

My credit meter went down another sawbuck and then it happened. I finally hit a bonus round. I hoped I would have a really good round and get back to even. I have hit some very good bonuses playing the Mummy. I really hoped it wouldn't be another Scroogey round that gives me only a couple of bucks. It's happened.

This round was okay. I didn't win enough to get back to even, but I had about $80 on the credit meter. I considered cashing out and booking the small loss, but the theater still wasn't seating my showing yet.

I kept playing. You'll never guess what happened.

Actually, I bet you can. When you write about video poker, players come up to you and say, "I've never hit a royal in my life. Then this one time I held two cards to a royal and you'll never guess what happened." (You got the royal.) "I got the royal."

You've probably guessed that I hit another bonus round. Another decent win and now I had a profit.

I played a few more spins and then cashed out $20 ahead. I could get into the theater now, even though the house lights would still be up and they wouldn't have started playing Maria Menounos and Noovie yet.

And my profit would pay for my popcorn and ICEE.

If you would like to see more non-smoking areas on slot floors in Las Vegas, please sign my petition on change.org.

Send your slot and video poker questions to John Robison, Slot Expert™, at slotexpert@slotexpert.com.

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