Barney Vinson's World

If you've ever wondered where our tax dollars go, read the following true story. A man, who had already lost $10,000 in markers, bet a stack of currency at a Vegas dice table. He lost that bet, too, which came to $4,300. Then the man bet another stack of bills totaling $1,070. This time he won, and as the dealer counted the money he noticed an official-looking certificate stuck to one of the bills. The dealer examined it closer. What was it? Why, it was one of California's guarantees that a destitute person would always get enough to eat. It was a food stamp!

* * *

A Las Vegas junket came to town, and the dealers manned their stations in anxious anticipation. Here came a junketeer to the dice table. "Give me five hundred," he said to the dealer. When the dealer got the okay, he slid $500 in $25 chips to the junketeer.

"Give me a hundred in nickels," the junketeer said, tossing back four green chips.

The dealer did as he was told, but the man shook his head. "No, I want nickels," he said. "They're for the slot machine!"

* * *

It would have made a great story. The sign on the truck read "Las Vegas Chips." The driver was making his rounds when suddenly he was forced to the curb by two masked men in a nondescript car. The driver was forced to open the back of the truck, then was pistol-whipped when the bandits discovered the truck was carrying chips all right, only these were of the potato variety. Not to miss such a golden opportunity, the potato chip company immediately launched an all-out advertising campaign. Then came a phone call from police headquarters. The truck driver failed a lie detector test, and later pleaded guilty to attempted embezzlement. Another dream dies hard in Vegas.