Barney Vinson's World

It was graveyard shift in a Las Vegas Strip casino. One of the blackjack dealers didn't show up for work, so the pit boss called her at home on the telephone. "It's two o'clock," he said angrily. "How come you're not at work?"

"Oh, I've been in California," she answered sleepily. "I guess I forgot to set my clock back on Nevada time."

* * *

Horseshoe patriarch Benny Binion once took a cowboy from Texas on a tour of his ranch near Las Vegas.

"How big's your ranch?" the cowboy asked Benny.

"Oh, it's about a mile in one direction, and about half a mile in the other," Benny replied. "How big's your place?"

"Well, Benny," the cowboy replied proudly, "if you got on your horse at dawn and rode in any direction, by nightfall you'd still be on my land."

Benny nodded glumly. "Yeah, I used to have a horse like that myself."

* * *

Here's a true story passed on by a Las Vegas change girl. It was New Year's Eve and the casino was crowded. Anxious to play the slot machines, a woman approached the change girl. "Excuse me," she said, "but do you have a loose stool?"

* * *

From John Alcamo's book Atlantic City Behind The Tables comes the story of a high roller in Atlantic City who sat down at a blackjack table with his young blonde girlfriend. After several hands, the young blonde rose to her feet.

"What's the matter with you?" the man asked her. "What did you stand up for?"

The blonde paused for a second. "Well, honey," she finally answered. "You told me to stand if I got a 17."