Barney Vinson's World

A drunk wandered into a downtown casino, only to be escorted to the door by a security officer. Moments later the drunk staggered back inside, and was once again taken away by the same security man. Five minutes passed. Here came the drunk again, only this time he stumbled through the side door of the casino. As the same security guard approached him, the drunk wailed, "I don't believe it! Do you work at every joint in town?"

* * *

A well-heeled gambler, with a credit line of $125,000, took a $10,000 marker in a plush Vegas casino. He immediately ordered two shots of Louis XIII, a French cognac that goes for $1,500 a bottle. This stuff would cost you and me $125 a glass, but he just signed the tab to his room, where anything he ordered was free. Later the man ordered two more shots, and then two more! At $125 a glass, this came to $750, plus a $25 tip for the cocktail waitress each time she brought him a round. The man wound up losing $30,000 — so that cognac wound up costing him $5,000 a glass!

* * *

A Las Vegas dealer was arrested for shooting a bald eagle. The judge said to him, "Don't you know that the eagle is an endangered species? Why, I could fine you $10,000 and put you in jail for that."

"You don't understand, judge," the dealer explained. "I was lost in the desert, and hadn't eaten in over a week. I only shot that eagle because I was starving to death."

The judge nodded. "Well, in that case I'm going to dismiss the charges, but I don't want to ever see you in this courtroom again."

As the dealer turned to leave, the judge looked up. "By the way," he said. "What did that eagle taste like?"

The dealer replied, "Oh, it was kind of a cross between a spotted owl and a condor."