Those magnificent, infernal machines!

Machines wash our clothes, dishes and cars; take us from point A to point B, either on the ground, in the air, on or under the water. Machines add up our columns of numbers, divide, subtract and multiply them. Some do our taxes. Machines monitor our hearts and blood pressure. In fact, machines dominate modern life. The statement to "pull the plug" now has multiple meanings.

And it's no different in the casinos. Machines rule! In the 1950s, craps was king. In the 1970s, it was blackjack. Since 1984, the slots have reigned supreme and in recent years they have solidified their power over the casino world. Fully 70-90 percent of most venues' revenues come from the machines.

Why is that?

Simple. Slot machines are looked upon as an inexpensive way to go after the big money. After all, in no other game can you bet a nickel, quarter, dollar or five dollars and have a chance to win thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands or millions. You can dream big dreams at the slots without thinking in terms of big investments.

Slots also offer you another benefit - no busybody is going to tell you what to do, or that you did it wrong, as such busybodies will at blackjack and other table games. At slots you play the machine you want, the way you want, and at your own pace too. The machine is non-judgmental. It doesn't care how you play. So how do they work, these modern one-armed bandits?

Today's slots are marvels of ingenuity. Run by computer, they are sleek and rarely malfunction. The RNG (the random number generator) inside the machine selects number sequences relating to the various symbols on the reels or on the video screen. This RNG is going constantly, even when the machine is not being played. When you put in your coin, pull the handle or press the button, the RNG sends a signal to the reels to land on certain symbols. The actual spinning of the reels is for entertainment purposes only and has no bearing on what comes up. That was decided the split second you activated the machine.

So which machines are the best to play? That's up to you. What do you want from your slot play? Do you want a chance at a life-altering event? If so, you must play the "linked progressive" machines that have those huge, ever growing jackpots - and you must play full coin in them to be eligible to live the life of the rich and famous. Unfortunately, these machines have a very high house edge.

However, if you want a chance to come home tonight with some money in your pocket or purse, then the best machines to play are "stand alone" machines that are not linked to other machines and that do not have a progressive jackpot. The best of these are called "equal distribution" or "straight multipliers." The jackpot line is merely a multiple of the first line. So, one coin might win 400 coins, two coins would win 800 coins and three coins would win 1,200 coins. The best way to play these is to bet just one coin, as you get no added benefit for risking more.

Now, get in the machine of your choice; travel to the casino of your choice, and play the machine of your choice. Nobody's pulling the plug on the slots in the foreseeable future and you can bet on that!