The not, not, not of table game play

17 June 2014

By Frank Scoblete

People enjoy gambling. Many people enjoy gambling. Many types of people enjoy gambling. Indeed, there are around 54 million casino players in the United States alone. That is a huge number.

With so many casino players – more players than viewers of America’s Got Talent – there are some that can be royal pains in the … well, let’s just leave it at royal pains, shall we?

When playing a table game, these “royals” can be silly, slobbery, unkempt, unsober, ungracious, superstitious, intrusive and argumentative. If you didn’t know they were a distinct minority of players, and this were your first time playing at a table game in a casino and “royals” were there, it might cause you to flee, never to return to the house of Dame Fortune.

So in the interests of making all casino players perfectly mannered and enlightened, I have drawn up a list of all the “nots” I can think of to counsel us with. Here goes:

1. In blackjack, do not tell another player how to play his or her hand. It’s their money and they can play their hands any way they wish. Besides, there is no such thing as a player ruining it for other players because of that player’s hit, stand, double-down or split decisions. If there are two cards about to come out of the shoe, one being a five and one being a 10, and the dealer has a 10 showing; if the player at third base has a 16, should he hit or stand? It doesn’t matter. If the dealer ultimately has a 16, if the player stood, the dealer has a 50/50 chance of busting with the 10 or making 21 with the five. If the player hits the game is also 50/50 before he makes his decision. If the dealer busts the player is a great one; if the dealer draws that five, the player should be yelled at. Not so. Not, not, not so.

2. In blackjack, do not say these two words “card counter.” Those are red flags to bulls as the casino is very concerned if someone has the skill to beat them. This can happen when you see a player raise his bets and suddenly gets a blackjack. "Hey! Hey! You raised your bet because you knew you were getting a blackjack. You must be a card counter." Do not, not, not ever say such a thing.

3. At craps, do not moan when a player sevens out. That player did not do it on purpose. With the exception of the nano-number of dice controllers, shooters are playing a random game and their shot is more like a slot machine’s RNG and is not, not, not under the shooter’s control.

4. At craps, follow the rules of the game. Do not make bets when the shooter has the dice; do not dangle your hands over the railing; do not yell at the shooter if he isn’t hitting your numbers; do not cash in or color up when the shooter has the dice.

5. At roulette, do not shove other players to get your bets onto the layout. The dealer gives you plenty of time between one decision and her call of “No more bets” before the next decision. So use that time to get your bets down. If you are winning a lot and the player next to you is losing do not gloat out loud. “Ha! Ha! I am killing them tonight! Ha! Ha! I see you are getting hammered.” You can clap when your number or proposition hits, even throw your fist into the air, but leave it at that. Do not, not, not be an ungracious gloater.

6. Baccarat in the high roller rooms will attract many superstitious players. Many of these players believe that somehow or other what bet you make will affect their chances of winning. They wait to see how you bet and they bet the opposite. If you bet “bank,” they bet “player”; if you bet “player,” they bet “bank.” This is nonsense but it is believed in with the ferocity such nonsense often entails. Should you win and the player “betting against you” loses a decision, do not acknowledge you think there is any correlation between the two bets – obviously there isn’t. I once saw a fist fight erupt between a Russian player and a Chinese player who both believed the other player was trying to jinx them. Do not, not, not get involved in such a silly mindset.

7. If you just had a superb meal consisting of garlic and even more garlic and you downed such a meal with vats of wine; consider brushing your teeth and rinsing with mouthwash before talking into someone’s nose at the table. A stinker can stink up a game for everyone. Do not, not, not think because you can’t smell you no one else can. They can.

8. At the various carnival games such as Three-Card Poker, Caribbean Stud, Four-Card Poker, Pai Gow Poker, stay away from talk about politics, religion, various public figures. Should something come up that irritates you, let it pass. Do not, not, not get caught up in heated discussions in sensitive areas. You can do that at home; you are in the casino to relax and have fun.

So there are eight “nots” that will not let you down if you follow them. Have fun!