Strange letters from stranger people

23 July 2013

By Frank Scoblete

Most casino gamblers are like most people. They work; they play; they have families, dreams and desires. The intelligence range reflects the intelligence range you see day-in and day-out in our population. Yes, there are brilliant people who gamble and, yes, there are total ploppies who gamble too.

I think the ploppies are the more interesting because people who are on the far end of the intellectual spectrum are fascinating the same way bacteria are fascinating to a microbiologist. So here are some letters, edited just a little to remove some bad words, and the auto-correct has fixed some of the spelling, but otherwise just as they came to me.

FROM NAT: I am a men. I have one question of yours that I will ask now if you do not mind me asking it now and the question is why are you so right that you are right and not a though is given that you could be wrung in you anausis of casino gams is what I am asking? You cant’ ansaw this and I know why I think because you don’t’ know how to ansaw do your?

FROM BLOTTO: I have a lot off heath problems and I could hav to stip writing this eltter if I get a tack so excuse me. I am oppposedly to casino gamblig because stupid people do so sa can see.

FROM MARTHA: I hat all the books of yous that I read over the long ears that gone buy. You knows anthing about gabling? I don’t not never beleve you don’t. I think righters should be scene and not herd.

FROM DICK: I am shore everyone is kissing your ask as they bowe down befour you like you are such a big man who writs about gambeling all over the whirl. Watt makes you a expirt? Did you took a test or samething? I doubt it. I think you paid the publicker to put you in his paper and that is what I hink. I don’t like to read. Watt is the usage?

FROM BOB: I am a professor if lietratire at one of our premier schools and I must ask a question if you do not mind. What is the best strategu to play at blacjack?

FROM CONNIE: You stinking moron you stinking dope you stinking pit dog you stinking weasale you stinking tumb of larf you stinking piece of [do-do] you stinking pile of [more do-do] you stinking ecuse foe a human bean you stink!!!!!!

FROM JAIME: Trens are the only whey to bets at gaes and you knew it but you pretend that you thonk they are bunko. You are so wring so wring about that. I fellow the teaching of [name of Internet guru] and he say to due it thos way and that is what I due. He is right and you is wrong. I just thought I would let you know how wrung you are and may be you can chang in the future.

FROM LEONARD: May I inquirer about something that you say concerting gambling about saving money to gamble with? Why do that if you are going to lose anyway. Just go to the bank and withdrew the money and be done with it that is my philosophical opion.

FROM HOWARD: I enkoy being with people and that is fine but my wife who I lovfe a little but not as much as when she as when I marred her since she has gott ugly over the yeas play stupid and lose money all the time but is happ to eat like a pug at the buffay. What can I do about that?

FROM LORETTA: In all my tears of gamling I have never lost not ounce at all. My secrate is a secrate but I am willig to writ a book about it and you can hep me and I will pay you when we make a lots of money. What if it you think about that? Answer quick as many writes are lining up at my door but I go with you fist.

FROM DICE EXPERT: I know more about gambling in my little toe than you know in your whole feet. Make that both feet! You say there are no trends when I have seen trends. You say there are no ways to jump on the short run which isn’t the long run and obviously has different rules attached to it which you would know about if you listen tp what is happening at the tables. But you are stuck in the math of the game as if math has anything to do with gambling. Who cares if one plus one equals a two because that has nothing to do with the way we win or lose. But morons like you ruin it for us gamblers but do you care. I don’t think so.

Readers: If you write me a letter that I publish I will send you a free copy of my new book "The Virgin Kiss." My e-mail address is fscobe@optonline.net. Frank Scoblete's newest books are "Slots Conquest," and "Everything Casino Poker: Get the Edge at Video Poker, Texas Hold’em, Omaha Hi-Lo and Pai Gow Poker!"