Safest bet in the history of the world

24 December 2013

By Frank Scoblete

The Mayans predicted that the world would end on or around December 21, 2012. Whew! Escaped that one!

Hold on. The Mayans aren’t the only ones who predicted the world would end today, tomorrow or the next day, or next month, or next year, or the next decade, or the next century or the next millennium. The literature is rife with “end of the world” predictions that never came true. Let’s take a look at a few from some pretty famous people.

The famed psychic Edgar Cayce predicted the world would end on January 1, 2000 with the Second Coming of Christ. Evidently Christ got held up and didn’t arrive. Ruth Montgomery, known as the Christian mystic, also thought the world would end in 2000 with the arrival of the Anti-Christ. This fellow got held up as well. Perhaps the transportation line from Heaven to Earth is pretty slow or – more reasonably – these predictions were nonsense and Christ and the Anti-Christ are on their own schedules.

But other no less prominent folks have also chipped in their ideas of the “end of times.” Jerry Falwell, the fundamentalist preacher, believed the world would end on January 1, 2000, just as Cayce and Montgomery has. Not to be outdone, Tynetta Muhammad, a columnist for the Nation of Islam, predicted the end of the world would occur sometime in 2001. No official date was set. None of these predictions happened.

Famous religious leader Pat Robertson thought the end would come in the year 2007, on April 27 no less. He wrote about it in his book The New Millennium. The date for the “rapture” based on Harold Camping, another religious leader, would be May 21, 2011. If you didn’t know, the “rapture” is the beginning of the end so watch out. The rapture seems to have been delayed as well.

Not to be outdone, this century has seen some scientists speculate that the Hadron Collider would snuff us out in the wink of an eye as all the atoms on earth go berserk and explode in a nuclear holocaust. Didn’t happen. Global warming experts are looking forward – some far forward into the future – to predict we will burn ourselves out or at least need 1,000,000 sunblock.

The end of the world predictions go as far back as mankind. Modern religions have jumped on the bandwagon only to find their predictions weren’t on target just as the prophecies of old were never on target. Go back to St. Martin of Tours, who thought the world would end in 400 AD. Wrong. Hippolytus of Rome figured Jesus would return in 500 AD. No deal. Not to be outdone, Gregory of Tours predicted the world would end between 600 AD and 800 AD – give or take a few years. Nope. (Those folks from Tours just couldn’t get it straight.)

Pope Sylvester II harped that the end of the world would occur on January 1, 1000. So many people believed this prophecy that they sold their homes to the rich (who didn’t believe this prediction and got a heck of a lot of cheap land) and these poor saps waited for the end… and waited… and waited… and became homeless or had to tenant farm their old homesteads. And the rich got richer.

Go further back in time and you’ll note Greeks and Romans and barbarians all had “end of the world” scenarios. Those ends never came.

And so ladies and gentlemen I now offer you the safest bet in the history of the world. All predictions about the end of the world will be wrong. You can bet on it.

Your pal, your friend, your relatives, the guy on the subway or standing in the street looking gaunt and disheveled screaming his lungs out about “the end is near” will be wrong about when the end of the world will happen.

Now here is what you do if the prediction is within your estimated lifetime. Just say, “I’ll bet you $10,000 that the world won’t end on the date or year or decade you are predicting.” If the person blanches about such a bet offer to bet $100,000 against his $10,000. If he still hesitates, first mock him for his weakness in the face of his supposed prescience (“Oh, ho, you are such a big talker about the end of the world, so put your money where your big mouth is.”), and then offer to bet him $100,000 against his $10. It will be the easiest $10 you’ll ever make.

Here is another great thing about this perfect bet. Not only can’t you lose the bet since he will be wrong – but think of this: Even if he is right, you can’t lose the bet since the “end of the world” would mean you’d be zapped dead or thrown into the eternal fires or go to heaven or cease to exist and no one is going to care about money anymore once the world ends.

The safest bet in the history of the world is waiting for you to make it. You can’t lose! Go for it. I predict you’ll win without question!


Frank Scoblete's newest book is CONFESSIONS OF A WAYWARD CATHOLIC. All Frank's books are available from Amazon.com or by mail-order. Visit Frank's web site at www.frankscoblete.com.