June bugs at the table games

The arrival of those June bugs -- the disgusting brown beetles that enjoy munching your prized gardens and trees -- heralds the beginning of the summer season. But there is another definition of the word "bugs" in our lexicon and that is one many of us use many times, as in "He bugs me!" or "That bugs me!" or "I'm bugged by that!" or "Stop bugging me!"

Naturally, there are many human "bugs" in the casino that eat away at you as if you were a garden plant or tree. Why? Because where there are people, there are people who bug you. Indeed, no matter where you are or what you are doing, you will encounter such human bugs who will bug the heck out of you. Even members of your family might bug you. And there are no sprays that can get rid of human bugs, either. You just have to put up with them.

Here are some of my bugs when I play the table games. I am sure these bugs are not exclusive to me and that many of you share such bugs with me. In fact, there are times when there are so many bugs that it seems like an infestation.

Experts bug me. If I am playing blackjack and I decide to hit my 12 against the dealer's up card of 2, that guy who loudly laments, "Why are you doing that? Don't you know you are changing the order of the cards?" bugs me no end. I would like to answer, "I do that because I know how to play, you ploppy! And if you know the order of the cards, why don't you tell me what's coming next?" Instead, I will say, "Oh, well, I read this book that said to play the hand this way."

At craps, there are a multitude of bugs crawling around the tables. I like to set my dice carefully, throw them gently and hope for consistency in my results. Some disgruntled players will lambaste me for doing this. "Just throw the damn dice, will you? Hurry it up!" From the start, when I get the dice, to the finish when the stickman calls out what number I rolled, my average time is about 10 seconds. The average time for random shooters is actually longer than my time. But "carefully throwing" appears slow even though it isn't.

Players who throw in late bets when the shooter is about to throw the dice really bug me. Proper manners at a craps table dictate that when the shooter has the dice there are not to be any other bets made. This same thing applies to players who wish to buy into the game. Wait until the dice are in the middle of the table before buying in. Dumping your money on the table as the shooter is throwing bugs just about every player.

Another tradition at the craps table that is often overlooked has to do with annoying the shooter. There are bugs that consistently slam the shooter on the back when the shooter is making number after number. "He-ho-he! Great shooting!" Slam! "Keep up the good work!" Slam! "Just a few more numbers!" Slam! Slam!

Roulette has a number of bugs. You have to deal with the "pushers," those individuals who think that their bet is the only important bet being made at the game. They will push you out of the way as you make your bet in order to get their bet down. They never apologize as they bowl you over and I have seen many a bugged roulette player eye the "pusher" with murder in their hearts.

In roulette, the dealer will loudly proclaim, "No more bets!" and for some reason several individual beetles known as "late bettors" will try to get one last bet on the layout. When the dealer tells them the bet will not be booked, these bugs argue! The game is now watching the ball spin and hearing some ploppy arguing that he should be allowed to violate the rules of play.

Now imagine if a "late bettor" is also a "pusher"! That is a kind of infestation by a single, indestructible bug that probably can never be stopped.

But nowhere will you find a wealth of superstitious bugs as you will in the high-roller room game of baccarat. For some reason this game attracts bugs who think everything has some mystical meaning. You will even notice that many of the big baccarat tables are missing some seat numbers, such as 4, which is a homonym that sounds like death to many Asian players. Baccarat bugs will often look at you angrily if you place a bet that is the opposite of their bet, the thinking being that if you bet opposite them it will bring them bad luck. If they lose, they will actually yell at you! These players are really pests of the first order.

Now, June is also the month of Juno, the goddess of marriage. It is thought to be a lucky month to get married. Of course, a closer look shows that about 50 percent of these marriages end in divorce, which I am guessing involves one or two people bugging the heck out of each other!