Is it too much to ask?

7 March 2017

By Frank Scoblete

I am a calm player; I really am. I’m cool like a Zen monk.

If someone is not playing basic strategy at blackjack and making all sorts of bonehead plays, that’s fine with me. His play does not affect me positively or negatively. If some craps player is making the most idiotic bets; hey, it’s his money. He can play intelligently or stupidly; his choice.

If a slot player is dumping amazing amounts of money in machines that have extremely high house edges such as Megabucks; not my problem. She is free to play anyway she wants. She is also free to play video poker even if she has no idea of what the correct strategy is for the machines she selects.

If someone asks me a question about how to play? I refer them to the dealer. “The dealer is the expert,” I’ll say.

And that is that.

Except that is never that, is it? Because people can be intrusive. The fact that human beings have personalities, some of which are annoying or downright hostile, will sometimes make playing in the casino a pain in the fleshy part midway down the back of your body just on top of your legs.

I don’t find the players who play as if they have had recent brain-ectomies to be annoying; I find the players who are annoying to be annoying.

Yes, I find the blackjack player who considers him or herself to be an expert and is always criticizing other players to be a complete annoyance. Please shut up!

Players don’t want to be criticized when they are playing. “Sir, you should never hit your 12 against a dealer’s two.” Please, shut up! “You know the play at third base determines whether the table wins or not.” Just close you BIG mouth and let everyone play his or her game.

“Always take insurance when you have a 20 or a blackjack. It’s a guaranteed win!” Please, go to Lake Mead and jump in. “Always split fives to make two good hands.” We’re only about 50 feet from the Atlantic Ocean; why not consider trying to swim to Europe?

Yes, at craps, the player who keeps moaning and groaning when shooters seven out causing him to lose should realize that many players, if not all players, might have lost on the shooter going down to defeat. “Don’t we have any good shooters at this table?” I hope when you get the dice (you loud, miserable grouch) that you seven out right away.

“Give me a yo!” Buddy, please don’t throw bets onto the layout when the shooter is about to roll the dice. That’s bad manners.

Oh, man, the guy who tries to push his way onto a craps table that is full of people who have to stand sideways to play. “Fella, the table is full. There’s an empty one right next to us. Go there you idiot!”

Yes, at craps the dealers who carry on conversations (called crosstalk) with each other, while ignoring the players except to place and pay off bets. Stop jabbering about your barbecue weekend, your dates, your sports bets and the like. “So I am telling you that Marta is available.” Please shut up. If you want to talk get yourself a talk show. Dealers should be friendly and talk to the players who want to talk but they should not crosstalk with each other.

Yes, here comes a very BIG annoyance. I cannot stand when dealers talk to each other in their own languages. I don’t know Chinese or Spanish or Lithuanian or German or Russian. Please speak English in an American casino unless you are translating for someone who needs help. In short, English or shut up!

Am I the only one who wonders if the above dealers are saying in their native tongue: “Look at that fat blob at my table. I hope he loses. He’s a typical American man who eats and drinks too much. In my country he would be in a slave-labor camp.” Oh, shut up, Alexey.

Yes, what about floor people who come up to players and say, “Anything you want, just let me know,” and you never see that individual again? Somehow he has left the planet, whoosh, just like that.

At baccarat, oh, yeah, those truly annoying, amazingly superstitious players who blame you when they lose because you bet the opposite of what they bet or you bet exactly what they bet and caused them bad luck. When they yell at you in their fit of rage, I wish I had the guts to say, “Shut up, you stinking ploppy. The game is random and it has nothing to do with my decisions.”

Now, usually at slot machines you don’t get too much interplayer communication, but there is one scenario that I find nerve-rattling: the player who wants you to leave the machine you are playing.

“Excuse me, this is my favorite machine. Do you mind getting up so I can play it? And I am the only person who has ever had good luck on this machine, let me tell you. So moving will be good for you.” I wish I could say, “I am going to play this machine until the end of the world. Get lost!”

I am sure that many of our readers have had similar annoying experiences. I guess they go with the territory where many diverse human beings congregate.


Frank Scoblete’s new books are “I Am a Dice Controller: Inside the World of Advantage-Play Craps”; “Confessions of a Wayward Catholic” and “I Am a Card Counter: Inside the World of Advantage-Play Blackjack.” All available from Amazon.com, Kindle, Barnes and Noble, and at bookstores. Visit Frank's web site at www.frankscoblete.com.