Casino safari (4)

18 October 2016

By Frank Scoblete

Casino players sometimes do resemble certain animals in their bearing and playing. Heck, I resemble about five of them as far as I can see (all of them sleek, good-looking ones, I’ll have you know). Here is my fourth list of who and what these animals and insects are.

FLY: If you are having a great meal in the summer inside your air-conditioned safe house and suddenly IT arrives — yes, a pesky bloated fly! You know where it’s been because so many people walk their dogs and don’t clean up after them. A dog’s do is a fly’s vacation spot. Now it’s time for the fly’s dinner, which is (sad for you) on your plate.

In the casino there are also flies, who usually stumble in from the bars, often late at night, and they want to buzz about the game you are playing. They often forget what game they are actually playing but like those annoying house flies they can’t be shooed away.

FOX: There are some casino players who want other casino players to think they have a certain psychic ability to pick winners. You see these foxes at the craps table waiting for the last second to throw their bet in — “Give me a yo!” They have that look in their eyes that says, “Hey everyone, look at the look I have in my eyes! I know something you don’t.”

I doubt very many other players bother to look at these foxes. After all, the casino is the hound, and the hound almost always catches the fox.

FRILLED LIZARD: She is old. She is worn. Her sun-scarred face announces too many cigarettes smoked and too much booze guzzled. She wears too much makeup which lumps in the lines of her weathered face.

She is trying to be young again in the worst way possible by awkwardly pretending to be young and dressing as such. No 75-year-old woman looks good in a 15-years-old girl’s dress. These Frilled Lizards love to flirt too. It can be very awkward when you are at the tables with them. You want to be polite but you want to run away at the same time.

FROG: “You’re killing me man; you’re killing me,” croaks the man who smells like smoke. The guy could win five bets in a row but as soon as he loses one he will croak again, “You’re killing me man; you’re killing me.” He never seems to enjoy victory but defeat energizes him in some unfathomable way. The casinos of the world are filled with frogs.

GECKO: They can hang on walls, on ceilings, even on glass. You find it hard to get rid of them if you live in a climate that sees them reproducing like, well, like lizards. It’s hard to get rid of them in the casinos too.

These stick-some creatures want to become your “best buddy,” your new BFF. They will cling to you even though they never met you before this moment. “Hey, buddy, where are we going for dinner?” “It’s great for me to hit it off with you!” “I want you to meet my new girlfriend. You’ll like her.”


Frank Scoblete’s new books are “I Am a Dice Controller: Inside the World of Advantage-Play Craps”; “Confessions of a Wayward Catholic” and “I Am a Card Counter: Inside the World of Advantage-Play Blackjack.” All available from Amazon.com, Kindle, Barnes and Noble, and at bookstores.