Casino safari (3)

16 August 2016

By Frank Scoblete

They are everywhere, the animals and insects of the casinos. Many of you have probably noted that some animals look just like their masters, yes? Well, in the casinos, some players resemble animals and insects of various kinds. Here are some more of them.

Common Loon: These players dive so deep in order to find something – usually a dull something – to talk about. They are, to say the least, a little nutty but harmless when all is said and done.

Crab: I don’t think a day goes by in the casinos (or elsewhere) when you don’t run into the crabs. These are discontented players who can be pains in the you-know-what. It’s even worse when a dealer or a floor person or a pit boss is the crab, because that can make the whole gambling experience clawing.

Dingo: These creatures bound from table to table and machine to machine. They seem so restless one wonders if they ever sleep. Their energy can be so overwhelming that other players often feel a need to take a break from them.

Discus: These players should be in the Olympics because they have spent an amazing amount of time building up their bodies into muscle-bound mountains; even the little Discuses are wonders of musculature. It’s even more amazing that such creatures can even walk.

Dodo: I am of the opinion that most of us think that most of the rest of us are idiots. Smart people think idiots are idiots and those very idiots think those smart people are idiots. (“That idiot has no common sense!”) We live in a world of dodos; they are wherever we are. You can’t escape them. The casino dodos will play stupidly, talk stupidly and drink too much. But they should never be interfered with, because then they will think you are a dodo and a dodo who think someone else is a dodo can be a dangerous dodo indeed.

Donkey: They play slowly because they have to make decisions even in games where no decisions are actually necessary. Doesn’t matter what the truth is, as the donkey plods along at his pace and that is, my friends, that.

Dragonfly: Oh, man, this person places a bet at your game, wins or loses, and flies away to somewhere else. Many other players are of the opinion that the dragonflies spoil how the cards are ordered; this makes those other players very angry with dragonflies.

Duck: “Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!” When will that person ever shut up?

Falcon: Majestic, good looking, suave; he is every woman’s dream and he knows it. (“Ah, watch me smile ladies; my white teeth and solid jaw should make you tremble with lust.”) These are the men in the casino commercials prancing about with beautiful women on their arms.

Flamingo: Dolled up men and women who act the part of the beautiful bird that is somewhat “off.” Flamingos love the casinos and the nightclubs. It is their natural homeland, except when they are working their boring regular jobs. At that point they are transformed into pigeons.

Flounder: They have played so long on a given day that they fall asleep at the games. They can get away with this at the machines, since most slot players are not too interested in other slot players, but at table games their heads will often hit the felt and at craps their heads will hit the chip rail. Strangely, they never seem unable to make their next bet.

Frank Scoblete’s new books are “I Am a Dice Controller: Inside the World of Advantage-Play Craps”; “Confessions of a Wayward Catholic” and “I Am a Card Counter: Inside the World of Advantage-Play Blackjack.” All available from Amazon.com, Kindle, Barnes and Noble, and at bookstores.