Casino safari (1)

28 June 2016

By Frank Scoblete

I’ve observed casino players over the years, and suddenly it hit me right between the eyes. I noticed something really peculiar about some players, and that is (please do not take this the wrong way): Many resemble certain animals and insects, having characteristics that, well, characterize those animals and insects. So today starts my “Casino Safari” series that will appear on this website from time to time. Learn who resembles what – I know the ones I resemble.

The Alligator: This player sinks his teeth into the game and will never let go of his strategies, whether these are good or bad ones, because he knows he is right. No use explaining to him that he could be wrong about this or that. He just twists and turns, tearing into anyone else’s ideas.

American Bulldog: Barks at the way people play their hands at various card games but especially at blackjack. “Never hit a 12 against the dealer’s two!” “What are you doing? You’re at third base and you have to play to save the rest of the table.”

Angelfish: Petite young women who are nervous about shooting the dice for the first time because of all the grizzled craps players eyeing them disdainfully. This is often called The Virgin Principle.

Asian Giant Hornet: You’ve got your bets up. You’ve been having a great time at the table so you have progressed your bets to their highest in a long, long time and then this guy, small with a pointy, sharp face, leaps in and places his bet. Everyone loses at the table except him. Now things go south for all – except for him.

Baboon: Since many people (perhaps most people) believe that other people are closer to baboons than to humans, this could be any player playing in the casino. “I’m surrounded by baboons!”

Badger: This creature is someone who will not let go of an argument; be that argument with another player or a floor person or pit boss. He digs in and is hard to shake off. He will stop a game cold if he thinks something went wrong. Usually this person is the one who went wrong.

Barn Owl: This player lambasts everyone at the table about movie stars, famous people, television commercials, singers, comedians – in short, anything that is in pop culture is this person’s choice meal. If there is a “who” to talk about, this owl knows the boring who and more boring what of the situation.

Barnacle: Have you ever had someone attach him or herself to you? Someone you don’t know and really don’t want know? And you can’t get rid of this person? These gents and ladies are true sticky barnacles.

Barracuda: You can’t shut this person up. He leaps into a conversation and tells you everything about himself, his job, the people with whom he works, his family and his opinions about things that are so boring you want to fall asleep in his presence. Won't happen. Once the barracuda has you, he has you.

Bear: Tall, hairy, often fat, wears a somewhat ratty football jersey; often loud; a man who swigs beer until he spews spit all over the place. He will often cause other players to flee.

Black Widow Spider: Get ready for sad stories about the death of relatives, friends and people she barely knows. She sits next to you – have some tissues handy.

Blue Whale: Bigger than the bear but far more polite and gentle. A giant among humans but a person with a winning personality, although he or she takes up a lot of space at a table game.

Boxer Dog: Ready to start a real fight – as in throwing punches – with anyone who even looks at him in (what he considers) a bad way. Often removed from casinos by security.

Bull Shark: He’s losing. He keeps playing. He keeps losing. He keeps playing. He keeps losing. Won’t give up until he has lost his entire gambling bankroll. He loses it.

Frank Scoblete’s new books are “I Am a Dice Controller: Inside the World of Advantage-Play Craps”; “Confessions of a Wayward Catholic” and “I Am a Card Counter: Inside the World of Advantage-Play Blackjack.” All available from Amazon.com, Kindle, Barnes and Noble, and at bookstores.